Homicidal Maniac Meets The Last of the Zucchini

Ding dong the vine is dead! I am plagued by zucchini no more, (five metric tons of shredded zucchini in freezer conveniently forgotten.) The remaining survivors have been sliced, stabbed, poked and gutted.  Their tiny little heads on display as a warning to other squash, summer or otherwise.

I remembered I had pumpkin carving tools and while I tend to snap those flimsy little saw blades on real pumpkins, they are quite perfect for the soft flesh of the zucchini. 

From left to right: Plastic Eyeball Zucchini (because original carved eye looked like crap), Held Together By Toothpicks Zucchini (because froze and cracked on vine and then was dropped on the way outside after carving),  Fires of Hell Zucchini (sadly not fires of hell, just a red tea light), Pomegranate Aril Iris Bug Eating Zucchini (just because), and last Broken Pasta Teeth Zucchini (because there was no way I was going to successfully carve that itty bitty zucchini, and I got lazy).

It's hard to believe that isn't really hell fire and just a mere tea light. Scratching the surface of the zucchini with the saw blade gave some nice texture.  

And just because I love my daughters mini pumpkin
and it's evil grin in the faux hellfire glow.  

Also I discovered too late there is a
National Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day

If I ever get zucchini amnesia and plant another one,

I want to hang with these ladies on zucchini day. 

Zucchini Carving

So not another zucchini recipe, but a way to use zucchini nonetheless.  I've been seeing some amazing zucchini carvings on the internet.  I didn't realize that was a thing.  Some of them are quite beautiful, but pretty is not my thing.

I like the ones that could be used for Halloween décor like a toothy alligator , monsters, a skeleton, a ghost, evil grins and creepy faces.

I decided to try my hand at it, even though carving isn't in my skill set.  I prefer making things where I build up layers. Removing negative space is a hard concept for my brain to wrap around.  Still, I'm pretty happy with how this guy turned out.  I used a paring knife, potato peeler and a hammered loop of wire (my attempt at making a carving tool).

If you check out the alligator, make sure to look at the watermelon skull on the same site.  The chickens pecking the brains is priceless.

Update:  A week later, which has been cold and dry, and the surface of the skull is drying out.  I like the way it looks.  Here he is with a newly carved friend and my daughters mini pumpkin.

This is what he looks like with mood lighting:

Zombie Zucchini Daiquiri

Last zucchini recipe...for now.  I have to confess I've been pondering the creation of another diabolical confection, perhaps for Creepmas.

This summer I developed a bit of a reputation for bring zucchini dishes to social functions.  Jokingly, I texted a friend that I would bring zucchini margaritas to her party.  Her threat to send me home if I did was accompanied by a picture of a zucchini margarita.  I had no idea such a thing actually existed.  Well, since I swore I wouldn't bring zucchini margaritas, I had to come up with a recipe for zucchini daiquiris.  In a double blind taste test, no one could tell these had zucchini and they were deemed very yummy. In fact when I confessed I put zucchini in them, some people thought I was lying just to mess with them.

Strawberry Zucchini Daiquiri

2 oz rum

1 oz lime juice
1 oz simple syrup*
1/4 cup frozen shredded zucchini
1/2 cup frozen sliced strawberries
8 ice cubes

You can just blend it all together, but I like to do the zucchini with the liquids first to make sure it's completely blended.  And then blend again with the strawberries and ice. Freeze it for later and you can eat it like a snow cone. Repeat as necessary until you run out of zucchini.

*Simple syrup is just that, totally simple to make.  Mix equal amounts of sugar and water and heat (stovetop or microwave) until the water looks clear again. 

If you are making this in large quantities you can cheat and substitute one ounce frozen limeade concentrate plus one ounce water for the lime juice and syrup.  

I used yellow 8 ball zucchini, because that's what I had, it tastes the same.  I don't know how a normal green zucchini would affect the color of this drink.  The strawberries definitely dominate both in color and flavor.  I can only imagine if anything it would be even more zombie-tastic.  But if you didn't want any green you can always peel the zucchini before shredding.

And here's a label for you to use.  Font is A Lolita Scorned by AngeliQ.

Monster Zucchini Cake Pops

I might have mentioned already that I've been plagued with an overabundance of zucchini this year.  There is only so much we can eat, freeze or give away, so I've been coming up with new ways to force it on others.  These were a big hit at the craft party.  My husband, who doesn't like eating plants, has not been a big fan of my zucchini endeavors.  So when I heard him say, "Wow these are really good. And I know there's zucchini in them, but they're still really good."  Well lets just say that's when I knew they were golden.  

And in other news I discovered there is a children's show that did a "Dawn of the Zucchini" episode about zombie zucchini.  There is a preview on NickJr.  

Wallykazam! - Nick Jr.

Chocolate Zucchini Cake Pops

2 1/2 cups sifted all purpose flour

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup white sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup buttermilk
2 cups grated unpeeled zucchini (about 2 medium)

1/2 cup frosting*
colored candy melts
candy eyes
chocolate jimmies (optional)


Preheat oven to 325°F. Butter and flour 13 x 9 x 2-inch baking pan.
Spread zucchini between paper towels to remove excess juice.
Sift flour, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt into medium bowl.
Beat sugar, butter and oil in large bowl until well blended.
Add eggs 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in vanilla extract.
Mix in dry ingredients alternately with buttermilk in 3 additions.
Mix in grated zucchini.
Pour batter into prepared pan.
Bake cake until tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 40 minutes.


Let cake cool and then crumble.  Mix with 1/4 cup of your favorite frosting and add more frosting a tablespoon at time until it forms a firm dough.  Form into balls and then coat** with candy melts.  Microwave additional candy melts in a small plastic freezer bag.  Snip off the end and use to glue on candy eyes and jimmies.

*Below is the frosting I used.  Even making a fourth of it was too much, so maybe a sixth?  Because so little is needed, next time I would go with something with a bit more chocolate. I think a ganache that's not completely set would be perfect.

Chocolate Frosting

6 ounces semisweet chocolate chopped
1/2 cup whipping cream or milk
1/2 cup unsalted butter, cut into pieces
3 cups powdered sugar, sifted to remove lumps
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Microwave chocolate and whipping cream in med glass bowl 1 minute stirring after 30 seconds. Stir until chocolate is completely melted.
Cool 30 min. or until room temperature, stirring occasionally.
Add butter gradually, beating with electric mixer on high speed until well blended. Gradually add sugar, beating until light and fluffy after each addition

**I tried dipping these. I tried the fork thing.  I just can't do it.  Not cake pops, not truffles, not if my life depended on it.  I find it easier to roll them in the coating by hand. Really, really clean hands to be exact. They obviously don't turn out all smooth and perfect, but no one cares, they really don't.

Last note, to make just a regular chocolate zucchini cake I mix a half cup of dark chocolate chunks, a half cup of semi-sweet chips and a half cup of white chocolate chips together.  One cup goes in the cake batter and the remaining half cup gets sprinkle on top.  It adds about 5 more minutes of cooking time with all that. 

This is the label I used.  Font is Misfits by Ravenous Media

Zucchini Salt and Vinegar Chips

Yes another zucchini recipe, I'm warning you now I'm just getting started. I didn't make these chips for the craft party.  I didn't have time to experiment until afterward, but these could totally be marketed as some sort of skin scab for Halloween fare.  I didn't take any pictures of the zucchini chips.  They were small, circular and a deep golden brown color.  Instead please enjoy this skull I "drew" on a reversible sequin pillow.  

Unlike the candied zucchini, I could eat these by the handful.  Like the candied zucchini, drying these out is pretty forgiving, so if you have to leave the house or go to bed.  Turn off the oven, leave them in there and they will quietly dry while you go about your business. Of course if you have a food dehydrator, do your own thing.   

I read through a lot of recipes and the biggest complaint was that they didn't taste vinegary enough.  First I tried soaking the slices in vinegar, which helped.  But it wasn't until I layered the slices between paper towels to draw out the zucchini juices and then soaked them in the vinegar that they really flavored up.  

Vinegar Chips

3 cups of zucchini thin sliced rounds
¼ cup vinegar (balsamic, malt, apple cider, etc)
1 tablespoon olive oil
Sea salt

Preheat oven to 170
Lay zucchini slices between paper towels to wick out moisture.
Toss slices with vinegar in a dish and let stand for 30 minutes. Toss every 10 minutes to evenly distribute vinegar.
Drain and toss with olive oil.
Lay slices on parchment paper covered cookie sheets.
Sprinkle with salt.

Bake for 1 ½ hours, flip zucchini and switch pans around. Bake another 1 ½. If they are still too chewy and there is a lot of oil/moisture still on the parchment paper, transfer to a clean sheet and bake for another 20-30 minutes. When crisp transfer to paper towels to cool. 

Candied Lizard Skin

My Lizard Skins are based off of two different recipes. I liked the Martha Stewart recipe because she doesn't peel the zucchini and I think that adds visual interest, but probably not in the way Martha intended.  I didn't think it would look as gross peeled and for this I wanted gross.  

Her recipe calls for just sugar, water and zucchini and I knew I needed something to mask the zucchini flavor which led me to this recipe that uses Kool-Aid.  It also uses a dehydrator, which I don't have.  Martha's just relied on air drying (I think rather unsuccessfully because the recipe warns you to serve it immediately.)  I dried mine using the lowest temperature on my oven, 170 degrees.  You could try speeding things up by going up to 200, but I wouldn't go higher than that.

As I mentioned in my Craft Party post, my zucchini are looking a little different this year.  If you like the yellow peel contrast yellow summer squash would work as well.

 

The baking time listed is more of guess. The reality is I would bake it for about an hour, turn the oven off because I had to leave the house. Come back flip it, bake it some more, have to leave, turn the oven off. I think the second batch I left in the oven, turned off, overnight. It's not rocket science and obviously there is a lot of wiggle room, so don't feel like you have to dedicate a whole day to watching zucchini dry.

The real question is how does it taste. Opinions varied. Some liked it, some thought it was pretty good for zucchini, some went back for seconds or thirds, others didn't care for it or were satisfied to just try it once for the novelty.  I had expected the artificial flavoring to overpower the zucchini and it didn't. In fact then general consensus was that it tasted "sweet".  For flavor I used one packet of unsweetened lemon-lime Kool-Aid. I would have preferred a straight up lime, but couldn't find any. Maybe using a different flavor or two packets or some other form of concentrated flavoring would have made a difference. 

I think this is one of those recipes that are fun to make once, but I can't say I'm dying to make or eat it again.  It's definitely something different to do if you are drowning in zucchini and it has a great Halloween look to it.  

Candied Lizard Skin

2-3 zucchini

1 ½ cups water
1 ½ cups sugar
1 pkg unsweetened Kool-Aid
Additional sugar for coating

Use a mandolin to slice zucchini into thin even strips.
Lay slices between paper towels to wick out excess moisture.
Heat water and sugar together stirring until sugar completely dissolves.
Add kool-aid, stir until combined, bring to boil.
Add zucchini. Reduce heat and simmer 25 minutes. Gently stir occasionally.
Remove from heat and strain. (Liquid can be saved to make another batch)
Pre-heat oven to 170.
Once zucchini is cool enough to handle, lay strips in a single layer on cookie sheets covered with parchment paper.
Bake for 2 hours, flip zucchini bake another 2 hours. If using more than one cookie sheet, switch positions. The zucchini shouldn’t feel sticky. If it does bake it a bit longer.  If it's just a little tacky that's fine.
Let it cool then toss with a tablespoon or so of granulated sugar in an air tight container or ziplock bag. This will keep it from sticking together.  

Here are a few food label ideas, the two I used and two blue varieties in case you're in a blue raspberry kind of mood. Font is You Murderer BB by Blambot.

 

Summer Recipes

This is another off topic post, but these are two recipes

that I get a lot of requests for during the summer.

First up are zucchini bars. The original recipe can be found at allrecipes.com.

This is my modified version.

Zucchini Bars 

3/4 cup butter, room temperature
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 cup flaked coconut
3/4 cup white chocolate chips
3/4 cup craisins
2 cups grated zucchini

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter and flour 9x13 inch baking pan.
Sift together the flour, salt, and baking powder. Mix 1/4 cup of the dry mixture with the coconut, chips and craisins. Set both aside. 
In a large bowl cream together the butter, white sugar, and brown sugar.
Mix in the eggs one at a time and vanilla until fluffy.
Mix in the dry ingredients on low until just combined.
Stir in the zucchini. Then stir in the mixture of coconut, chips and craisins.
Spread batter into the prepared pan. Bake in preheated oven for 30 minutes. Cut into bars when cool.

Variations: To make chocolate zucchini bars substitute 1/4 cup of the all-purpose flour with Dutch processed cocoa.

Any dried fruit, nuts, and baking chips can substituted for the coconut, white chips and craisins. If you don’t want quite so much stuff, you can pare it down. Even just a cup of morsels will still result in tasty bars. So have fun playing around with different combinations.

My kids love the chocolate version with semi-sweet chips, chocolate chunks and white chocolate chips. Another favorite combo is coconut, white chocolate and butterscotch chips.

Note: Use unsweetened coconut flakes, not that nasty shredded stuff that tends to lurk in the baking isle. I find the coconut flakes in the natural foods section in most stores.

A few tips for zucchini virgins: Don’t be afraid of the zucchini. It doesn’t have a strong flavor, you won’t even taste it. All it does is give the bars their moist texture. If you ate these bars blindfolded you’d never know it was there. 

When you shred zucchini, shred the whole thing peel and all. Quarter larger zucchini’s lengthwise and remove the seeds before shredding. Don’t worry about tiny, paper thin seeds, they’ll cook down.

Sometimes the zucchini can be too moist and you end up with a dense layer on the bottom of the bars where the extra liquid has settled. It’s still perfectly tasty and edible, but to avoid that you can remove some of the moisture by laying the shredded zucchini between layers of paper towels or you can roll it up in a clean lint free cloth, such as cheesecloth or a dish towel and wring the juices out. You can even grab fistfuls and squeeze it out Hulk style.  Take care not to squeeze all the liquid out, you still want it to be moist.

The second recipe is fairly common in these parts. I’ve only made a

few minor tweaks, but people always want the recipe, so here it is.

Veggie Pizza

2 - 8oz packages refrigerated crescent rolls (Pillsbury Crescent Seamless Dough Sheets make this even easier)
1 - 8oz package cream cheese, softened
1 small container (5 - 7 oz.) or 1 cup plain Greek yogurt (Fage 2% is my favorite)
1 - 0.4oz package Hidden Valley Ranch Buttermilk Recipe Salad Dressing and Seasoning mix
1 tbsp fresh dill
2 cups assorted veggies (broccoli, cauliflower, assorted bell peppers, grated carrots, mushrooms, cucumbers)
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Preheat oven to 375
Roll out crescent rolls onto 12x17 jelly roll sheet. Let stand 5 min then pierce with fork.
Bake 8 minutes or until golden brown, let cool.
Combine cream cheese, Greek yogurt, dressing mix and dill. Spread the mixture over the cooled crust and top with assorted veggies and cheese.

A few tips:

Be careful, all those Hidden Valley Ranch seasoning packets look the same. I accidentally grabbed the Original Ranch Dips once and it was way too salty. The Original Salad Dressing mix isn't too salty, but I still prefer the Buttermilk one. Either way they contain MSG, if that is something you are concerned about.

Adding a tablespoon of fresh dill makes it awesome and growing dill is so easy, it’s very forgiving of poor growing conditions and neglect. If you let some of it go to seed, it will reseed itself the next year.

Don’t following the baking time on the Pillsbury crescent roll package, it’s way too long.

Mushrooms and cucumbers should only be added right before serving because they don’t retain their texture well.

I actually think it's better without cheese, but I seem to be in the minority in that.