Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Creepmas Worthy Videos

I love this video where Jimmy Fallon and Christoph Waltz
compare Elf on the Shelf and Krampus. 



Speaking of Krampus,  I wish this was my front lawn during Creepmas.



And then there is this dark follow up to "Home Alone".



I don't even know what to make of this nightmare of an acid trip holiday movie.

This link is to the abridged version,
Best of Rifftrax's Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

Otherwise I believe this is the full version,
but I don't have the stomach to view the whole thing. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Creepmas Cards

Yesterday I mentioned the card that inspired my snow Cthulhu and this is it.
 
Cthulhu Snowman by amysnotdeadyet 
And here are a few more for sale...

Cthulhu Decorating the Tree by amysnotdeadyet

Evil Giant Snowmen by DavePollot

Cthulhu Santa by Surlyben

Tentacle Christmas by alternatehistories

Skull, Demon and Zombie Santas by BarneyBodoanoThings

Amy Winfrey is the genius behind Making Fiends.



The following are either not for sale, not cards or a combination
of the two, but I think they would all make lovely Creepmas cards.

Cthulhu Claus by Mark Helwig
There's another great Cthulhu Claus on his website.


Mariel Clayton has a whole series of pictures with Barbie as
a homicidal maniac and also some naughty elf ones
that would make awesomely inappropriate holiday cards. 



Snowflakes by Eric Boeker



Monday, December 5, 2016

Cthulhu Snowdeity


Ever since I saw this Cthulhu Snowman by amysnotdeadyet, I've wanted to make a real life version.  Well the Old Ones were smiling favorably on us yesterday because not only did we get snow, but we got packing snow. 


These are the ones my daughter made, cute little guys maybe two and a half feet tall.  This morning when she looked outside I heard, "Mom their heads fell off, Cthulhu must have attacked them!" 

I imagined something like a Cthulhu version of Snowmen at Night 
having happened, which would be fun and terrifying. 

A few more snow Cthulhu's from the wonderful internet:

Snow Cthulhoo by Peter L.

hellinahandbasket.net

Snow Cthulhu by The Savage One

While I was getting out my winter gear I questioned whether a woman in her 40's should really be purchasing all her hats and gloves in the children's department.  
Then I figured if that's where all the cool stuff is, then hell yeah. 


Sunday, December 4, 2016

Creepy Gingerbread Houses

Famous spooky places in gingerbread...


First we have the Bates family home.
This one I'm assuming is by Nicole Wells, I found it on her Pinterest board. 
She also has a fantastic Paris Disney Haunted Mansion.


This Bates house by Brad Cerenzia almost looks like a real house. 
I love the Christmas lights and nativity, they really set the scene. 
Follow the link for other views and to see how this was fabricated.


This is another version of the Haunted Mansion in Paris by Chef Mason




This version of the Overlook Hotel by agkeeling and family,
even has individual scenes from the movie.



I still remember my failed Creepmas house and that was a kit. 
All these gingerbread artists have skills I can't even fathom. 

Friday, December 2, 2016

Hideous Holiday Haute Cusine



In full disclosure I'm a bit bias against most holiday foods.  First of all I dislike everything about meat; the taste, the texture, the smell. I won't even eat a lot of vegetarian "meats" because they so closely mimic the real thing. So basically the main course of any American holiday grosses me out.  Why can't everything be celebrated with pizza which is a gastronomical symphony of cheese, bread and sauce, with a limitless variety of toppings?

Regardless of my food issues, I think most would agree that this collection of  Truly Horrifying Vintage Holiday Recipes live up to their name. And joy of all joys, since I stole that creepy elf tuna tree picture secondhand I wanted to verify the source.  The picture is just one small part of a post that embodies the spirit of Creepmas and is definitely worth checking out.




I love that Molly Fitzpatrick actually took the initiative and made quite of few of the vintage recipes.  She did both a Christmas and Thanksgiving menu. The pictures are disturbing, the write-ups hilarious.  



In the spirit of disliked holiday food here are a couple of Christmas dinner themed games involving brussel sprouts.  Christmas With The Sproutifarts and Attack of the Sprouts. The first one you have to eat the brussel sprouts, but if you don't take time to fart you blow up and the second one you have to smash the brussel sprouts before they jump in your mouth or you turn green and die.  And they are adorably disturbing little sprouts with evil eyes and big gnashing teeth. 


And what are my issues with holiday food stuffs? Well, since you asked...I'm not sure if any of these are popular throughout the rest of the US or if they were just a part of my mid-west upbringing, but lets start with jello salads, which can contain everything from grated carrots to marshmallows

I also detest anything else with marshmallows feigning to be a salad or smothering sweet potatoes. What did the potatoes ever do to deserve that? [from NPRWho's to credit — or blame — for topping sweet potatoes with marshmallows? "The Cracker Jack company," says Andrew Smith, editor-in-chief of the Oxford Encyclopedia of Food and Drink in America. It put out a small booklet of recipes in 1917 to encourage people to cook with marshmallows. "Virtually all of the other recipes died with the publication of their book, but the marshmallow and the sweet potato one has survived — and has thrived — ever since."]

Then there's that hideous green bean casserole with the crunchy onions. I think it has condensed cream of something, maybe possum pus, soup in it. There would be riots if this didn't show up at the dinner table.

Another one that is normally potluck fare, but shows up occasionally during the holidays, is the seven layer salad. People get excited when they see this, and it contains thawed frozen peas and mayonnaise.  Admittedly I'm not a big fan of mayonnaise, but anything called salad that's coated in mayonnaise is extra disgusting.

Last thing, gluey starchy mashed potatoes.  I actually love mashed potatoes.  Hand mashed with a little garlic, bit of butter (real), splash of cream (also real) and some salt & pepper. But that gluey mess that results from whipping the hell out of them, ick. Again, why all the violence against potatoes?

And lest you think I don't like anything traditional, that's not true.  I love salads that contain green leafy things and none of the aforementioned items.  I love sweet potatoes, winter squash, roasted veggies, fresh warm rolls, even stuffing, if it doesn't contain meat.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

The Creepmas Creature Rises Again!

Part man, part beast, part shrubbery, part goddess, no one really knows what it is or where it comes from.  Some say it was the product of an unwholesome union between a hodag, a bigfoot and a Christmas tree.  Others say it was forged during The Great Battle when Christmas merchandise was unwisely placed next to Halloween items unjustly clearanced at the end of September. All that is known for sure is that it only comes out on the 1st of December to deliver goodies in celebration of the first day of Creepmas.

This year one of the area residents managed to capture this rare photo of the creature performing it's annual ritual. 


To learn more about the 13 Days of Creepmas click on this link or on the Creepy Santa badge in the upper right hand corner.  Be sure to check out the other participating Creeps. If you're curious about my Creepmas favorites, past and present check out my Creepmas board on Pinterest. 

This year's delightfully dreadful morsels were:

Zombie Bites - Cranberry Pistachio White Chocolate Truffles - It was the picture of the truffle with the bite out of it that got me thinking of zombies in the first place with all the lovely red and green bits.

I only made half the recipe because people can be quite hateful towards nuts and I'm not talking about people with allergies, although that would be understandable even if it's not the nut's fault really, but just people who don't like nuts and act like anytime they find nuts in their food it must be some sort of personal vendetta against them.

Half the recipe yielded 18 one tablespoon sized truffles. 

I didn't follow all the instructions. I thought they were more complicated than need be.  I put the chocolate, butter and cream together in a microwavable bowl, nuked it for 1 minute at 50% power, stirred until it was all mixed and then stirred in the extract.


Elf Brains - Instead of making my usual truffle brains, I made white chocolate coated Oreos, which is actually what the molds are made for.  I decided to use the peppermint flavored Oreos in the spirit of the holidays even though I don't know if they are gross or not. The kids liked them and said the peppermint flavor had also infused the chocolate coating. 






Corpse Hands - Peppermint Bark - I used 8oz of white chocolate, 4 tsp of crushed peppermint candy (Normally I use twice that, no reason why I didn't, just had a brain fart. They were fine, just had a very mild mint flavor.) and 6oz of semi-sweet chocolate to fill four molds.


Microwave white chocolate at 50% for 1 minute, stir microwave again at 50% for 40-60 seconds.  Stir until completely melted and stir in peppermint candy.  Divide amongst molds and chill.  Melt the semi-sweet chocolate and top the molds off.  Chill again. 


Grinch Cookies - Gooey Monster Eye Cookies - I saw these with all their eyeball and greeniness and knew they would be perfect for Creepmas. 

I find the smell of box cake mixes to be nauseating, but the kids liked these and that's all that matters. Using a 1.5 tablespoon scoop yielded 32 cookies.


I've never made any claims to having great cookie decorating skills, but if you look at them from the right angle and you squint a little bit, these cookies totally almost look just like the Grinch. 

The peanut gallery wanted to know why I was putting mustaches on the cookies. After that it was even harder for me to decorate because the cookies started talking to me in really bad French accents and making me laugh.

Oui oui mon cheri !

Friday, November 25, 2016

Abomination Turkeys

The bane of my existence is to make rice krispie turkeys every Thanksgiving. My lack of patience and skills in the arena of food decorating usually never fails to deliver, shall we say, unique creations. But I have to say this year, there's not a hideously deformed one in the bunch.  There aren't any zombie turkeys that had to be pieced back together with blood colored candy melts.  I even tried something new which is usually a recipe for disaster.  Even still my husband insisted on eating one of my balls before I "turned them into abominations". 

So here are my cute little abominations...


The Golden Oreo Rice Krispies Treats recipe that inspired these is at piesandplots.net and a nod goes to joyofbaking.com for the addition of vanilla extract and salt. 


Golden Oreo Rice Krispie Turkeys

20 Golden Oreos, divided
1 10oz bag of mini marshmallows or 40 regular marshmallows
4 tablespoons of unsalted butter
3 1/4 cups Rice Krispies cereal
1/4 tsp vanilla (optional)
pinch of salt (optional)

candy corn
mini M&M's
6 white candy melts*
6 red candy melts

Coarsely chop 10 of the Oreos cookies, mix with the rice krispie and set aside. Process the remaining 10 Oreos into fine crumbs, set aside in a small bowl. Melt the butter and salt in the saucepan over medium-low heat. Add the marshmallows and constantly stir until the marshmallows have completely melted. Remove from heat and add the vanilla extract.  Stir in the Oreos and Rice Krispies cereal until all the cereal has been coated. As soon as the mixture is cool enough to touch, with buttered hands start forming it into 1.5 - 2 inch balls. Keep hands lightly buttered throughout this process. These need to be fairly tight and firm, but don't squeeze so hard you crush the cereal. Dip them into the crumb mixture to lightly coat.  Work quickly while the mixture is still warm and pliable.  After they are all coated, roll them through the remaining crumb mixture one more time, pressing the crumbs firmly.

To decorated insert candy corns for tail feathers.  Melt white candy melts to attach eyes. I microwave them in the corner of a plastic freezer bag at 50% power for 30 seconds.  Mush it around and microwave for another 20-30 seconds. Snip of the end of the bag and gently squeeze to apply.  Same thing for the red candy melts to attach the beaks. This year I trimmed the ends off the candy corn beaks.  I think they look better shorter. 

Exhibit A


*Technically I use white chocolate, but candy melts are easier.  See exhibit A where I had to prop up beaks while waiting for poorly tempered chocolate to harden.




Here's last year's variation.  I used the regular Rice Krispies recipe but substituted half the rice krispies with a knockoff brand of cocoa krispies.  Which is funny, because the original turkey recipe that started this whole mess years ago, called for cocoa krispies.  But they are gross, so we make albino turkeys. Well, Mom's Best makes a Crispy Cocoa Rice cereal that actually has a nice flavor. It would still be too sweet to use full strength, therefore the half and half mix, which might sound a little weird, but everyone liked it.  The one problem I encountered was the mixture was really gooey, I'm guessing it's because of the sugar coating on the cocoa cereal.  I added a 1/2 cup more of both cereals and that helped, but I still had a lot of turkeys fall apart once I started stabbing them with candy corn.  If I do it again, I'll use a firmer hand shaping the balls and maybe let them sit for a bit before slapping stuff on.  The result was lots of deformed zombie turkeys last year. 




And the year before I tried sprucing things up with some green candy melts. 




And then there was this cute little guy.  I'd like to say he wasn't eaten by zombies.  I'd really like to be able to say that...and now you are caught up on three years worth of sad little flightless rice krispies treats.