Friday, December 1, 2017

Krampus Baby and other Krampus Tunes

Consensual Krampus
Source: Artist: Ryan Heshka
Ah the first day of Creepmas, if you listen closely you can faintly hear the distant screams of naughty children, the slink of evil elves posing themselves in false whimsy and the clinking of bones as the Skeleton King makes holiday preparations...and somewhere sticks are being gathered to punish the wicked.  

Normally on the 1st Day of Creepmas I would don my Creepmas costume and deliver goodies to all the naughty neighbors, but tonight I'm going an event called "Inappropriate Song Night".  In the spirit of Creepmas and inappropriate songs, I give you lyrics to "Krampus Baby."

[Update:  Inappropriate Song Night was completely worth delaying the opening ceremonies for Creepmas. I can’t wait to go again.  And I am totally counting watching a striptease, which was amazing by the way, to “You’re a Mean One, Mr Grinch.” as Creepmas festivities.]

I have to admit that "Santa Baby" is a more complex song than I ever realized.  There's rhymes going on that I never paid attention to until I started to pick it apart, like "missed, kissed, list" and "tree, Tiffany, me".  And just rhyming isn't enough, there's a rhythm and intonation that has to be respected.  I couldn't quite pull it off. I've taken some liberties. And I'm left wondering if anyone at the time was really considering the purchase of platinum mines or they were just stuck for a word pairing with the proper flow.   Anyway for better or worse this is what I came up with.

Krampus Baby

Krampus baby, just discipline me under the tree
You see
Been an awfully bad girl
Krampus baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Krampus baby, and drag me out along by my hair
Toss me into your sack
Krampus baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the things I've done

Think of all the mischief that I've caused for fun
Who wouldn't want to punish me

Only you get to be the one

Krampus baby, I wanna swat
And really that's not a lot
Been so naughty all year
Krampus baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Krampus honey, one little thing I really need
To be tied up by you
Krampus baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Krampus cutie, and whip me with a buddle of sticks
That's it
Or a cat o' nine tails
Krampus cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come throw me over your back
Drag me down to hell in your little sack
I've really been oh so bad
Let's see if you can be bad too

Krampus baby, forgot to mention one little sin
You'll grin
When I tell it to you
Krampus baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry, tonight

I figured I can't be the only one who ever considered a Krampus parody of Santa Baby and I wasn't disappointed.  I love how different each version is.

This is another fun Krampus song by Jon Lajoie.  I love the lyrics

If you like a little headbanging with your Creepmas music, this one is a gem by Craterface.

Make sure to check out all the other participating Creepers at


  1. Very good - I enjoyed all the versions. You lyrics are good - Krampus definately evokes a bit of S and M.

    1. Although when you think of it like that, there really isn’t an incentive to be good. I thought the one where they changed the refrain to “eat up all the children tonight” was particularly clever.