Thursday, December 8, 2016

Gothic Snowflakes



Last Creepmas I made stars like the little one pictured above. These snowflakes are just a variation of that.  Instead of 6 intersecting strips for each side, these require 10.   Instead of gluing the ends together, these are crossed.  For step by step instructions see this tutorial by Ange Lika.

For the record I used strips that are 1/4 inch (6mm) wide and 9 inches (23cm) long.

I was fortunate enough this year to come across some very unique paper which I'll talk about later, but they were only printed on the one side.  I picked out a glittery silver cardstock to glue on the backside.  So let's talk glue.  I tried glue sticks, because they go on nice and even.  The problem is once you start putting stress on the paper bending the ends together the papers start to separate and I found myself touching things up here and there with a toothpick dipped in Aleene's Fast Grab Tacky Glue (I don't get paid to say that, just love the glue and won't use anything else).  I thought using a permanent glue stick would be better next go around, that was actually worse. Thin glues or mod podge are too wet and it's hard to not get wrinkling. As much as I love Aleene's Tacky it's too thick to spread a thin even layer.

The best glue in my experience, as much as I hate the stuff because I always seem to get it everywhere, is spray adhesive. The easiest solution of course would be to use cardstock that's printed on both sides.  Aleene's Fast Grab Tacky is still the best glue for the actual assembly. 

About those papers I found...



The first print I found this summer, while traveling cross country.  Late one night I found myself in the small township of Fairvale after accidentally turning off the main highway.  Imagine my surprise when I realized I was passing by the old Bates homestead.  Sadly it's fallen to neglect.  There's a fence around it now, with a condemned notice and warnings against trespassing.  Not that I would engage in criminal activity, but near the far southeast corner, there's a spot where the rusted chain link has been pulled back just enough that a petite person with little regard to tetanus could shimmy through.  And were some adventurous person to do so, and further venture on into the house, which I'm sure would be fraught with perils of rotting wood and other hazards and so I would never suggest such a thing.  But if they did, they might also take some scraps of wallpaper, which were already peeling off and of no use to anyone, as a souvenir. I'm pretty sure Mother wouldn't mind. 




The second set of papers I acquired later in the year. I had cause to visit a small coastal town in Massachusetts concerning a matter that I shall not speak of, at a location I shall not divulge. But I found myself with a free afternoon and decided to amuse myself visiting the local shops.  I came upon a quaint little bookshop off the main street and thought I might find a novel with which to occupy my time that evening, as I was finding it increasingly difficult to sleep at night. 

Imagine my delight when I came across a slightly dog eared, but in otherwise good condition, 1st edition King James version of the Necronomicon.  But when I brought it up to the counter for purchase the proprietor blustered that it was not for sale.  I tried to appeal to his better nature and offered to pay a generous sum, but he rudely dismissed me and would engage in no further conversation.  In a moment of spite which I am deeply ashamed of, while his attention was diverted elsewhere I grabbed the book, ripped out a few pages, and fled out the door before he returned to his post.  Had I been in my right mind I would never have committed such a selfish, thoughtless crime as to deface such a rare and precious tome. But as it was, during that time, I was not of my right mind. 

Later that evening after finally falling into a restless slumber, I was awaken by a dry rustling sound.  As I lay there in the dark trying to discern where it was coming from, I realized with growing dread that I was listening to voices, ancient guttural whispers. In a panic I fumbled on the light and the voices ceased. 

After a time I was able to convince myself it had just been my imagination, but as soon as I distinguished the lights, I began to hear them murmur once more. It was then that I realized they were coming from my satchel. With trepidation I crept over, slowly feeling my way in the dark, becoming increasingly anxious. So consumed with fright I was, that I feared my mind would become unhinged.  But stronger was an unholy curiosity that pulled me closer, almost as if against my will. 

As I neared the voices became louder and more animated. I thrust my hand into the bag clutching at those ill-gotten pages. Warm to the touch, they writhed under my fingertips, sparks flying as I held them firmly in my grasp.  The voices had now reached a roar. The din pounded in my head with searing pain, causing my vision to blur.  In a dizzying moment I saw things, unspeakable things.  Vaporous malformed things, becoming increasingly more substantial.  With my free hand I desperately groped for the light and the room was flooded with a merciful bright glare.  The noises ceased and the pages became still once more. I decided in that moment they must be destroyed and cut them into strips. 

Once in pieces they remained quiet for the duration of the night, and these many months past they are quiet still, for I have been reluctant to part with them now that they pose no threat. Although there are times I think I can still hear their faint rasping whir, but surely it's just the product of an overwrought imagination. Of course it does not hurt for one to sleep with the lights on.    

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Creepmas Worthy Videos

I love this video where Jimmy Fallon and Christoph Waltz
compare Elf on the Shelf and Krampus. 



Speaking of Krampus,  I wish this was my front lawn during Creepmas.



And then there is this dark follow up to "Home Alone".



I don't even know what to make of this nightmare of an acid trip holiday movie.

This link is to the abridged version,
Best of Rifftrax's Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

Otherwise I believe this is the full version,
but I don't have the stomach to view the whole thing. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Creepmas Cards

Yesterday I mentioned the card that inspired my snow Cthulhu and this is it.
 
Cthulhu Snowman by amysnotdeadyet 
And here are a few more for sale...

Cthulhu Decorating the Tree by amysnotdeadyet

Evil Giant Snowmen by DavePollot

Cthulhu Santa by Surlyben

Tentacle Christmas by alternatehistories

Skull, Demon and Zombie Santas by BarneyBodoanoThings

Amy Winfrey is the genius behind Making Fiends.



The following are either not for sale, not cards or a combination
of the two, but I think they would all make lovely Creepmas cards.

Cthulhu Claus by Mark Helwig
There's another great Cthulhu Claus on his website.


Mariel Clayton has a whole series of pictures with Barbie as
a homicidal maniac and also some naughty elf ones
that would make awesomely inappropriate holiday cards. 



Snowflakes by Eric Boeker



Monday, December 5, 2016

Cthulhu Snowdeity


Ever since I saw this Cthulhu Snowman by amysnotdeadyet, I've wanted to make a real life version.  Well the Old Ones were smiling favorably on us yesterday because not only did we get snow, but we got packing snow. 


These are the ones my daughter made, cute little guys maybe two and a half feet tall.  This morning when she looked outside I heard, "Mom their heads fell off, Cthulhu must have attacked them!" 

I imagined something like a Cthulhu version of Snowmen at Night 
having happened, which would be fun and terrifying. 

A few more snow Cthulhu's from the wonderful internet:

Snow Cthulhoo by Peter L.

hellinahandbasket.net

Snow Cthulhu by The Savage One

While I was getting out my winter gear I questioned whether a woman in her 40's should really be purchasing all her hats and gloves in the children's department.  
Then I figured if that's where all the cool stuff is, then hell yeah. 


Sunday, December 4, 2016

Creepy Gingerbread Houses

Famous spooky places in gingerbread...


First we have the Bates family home.
This one I'm assuming is by Nicole Wells, I found it on her Pinterest board. 
She also has a fantastic Paris Disney Haunted Mansion.


This Bates house by Brad Cerenzia almost looks like a real house. 
I love the Christmas lights and nativity, they really set the scene. 
Follow the link for other views and to see how this was fabricated.


This is another version of the Haunted Mansion in Paris by Chef Mason




This version of the Overlook Hotel by agkeeling and family,
even has individual scenes from the movie.



I still remember my failed Creepmas house and that was a kit. 
All these gingerbread artists have skills I can't even fathom. 

Friday, December 2, 2016

Hideous Holiday Haute Cusine



In full disclosure I'm a bit bias against most holiday foods.  First of all I dislike everything about meat; the taste, the texture, the smell. I won't even eat a lot of vegetarian "meats" because they so closely mimic the real thing. So basically the main course of any American holiday grosses me out.  Why can't everything be celebrated with pizza which is a gastronomical symphony of cheese, bread and sauce, with a limitless variety of toppings?

Regardless of my food issues, I think most would agree that this collection of  Truly Horrifying Vintage Holiday Recipes live up to their name. And joy of all joys, since I stole that creepy elf tuna tree picture secondhand I wanted to verify the source.  The picture is just one small part of a post that embodies the spirit of Creepmas and is definitely worth checking out.




I love that Molly Fitzpatrick actually took the initiative and made quite of few of the vintage recipes.  She did both a Christmas and Thanksgiving menu. The pictures are disturbing, the write-ups hilarious.  



In the spirit of disliked holiday food here are a couple of Christmas dinner themed games involving brussel sprouts.  Christmas With The Sproutifarts and Attack of the Sprouts. The first one you have to eat the brussel sprouts, but if you don't take time to fart you blow up and the second one you have to smash the brussel sprouts before they jump in your mouth or you turn green and die.  And they are adorably disturbing little sprouts with evil eyes and big gnashing teeth. 


And what are my issues with holiday food stuffs? Well, since you asked...I'm not sure if any of these are popular throughout the rest of the US or if they were just a part of my mid-west upbringing, but lets start with jello salads, which can contain everything from grated carrots to marshmallows. 

I also detest anything else with marshmallows feigning to be a salad or smothering sweet potatoes. What did the potatoes ever do to deserve that? [from NPR: Who's to credit — or blame — for topping sweet potatoes with marshmallows? "The Cracker Jack company," says Andrew Smith, editor-in-chief of the Oxford Encyclopedia of Food and Drink in America. It put out a small booklet of recipes in 1917 to encourage people to cook with marshmallows. "Virtually all of the other recipes died with the publication of their book, but the marshmallow and the sweet potato one has survived — and has thrived — ever since."]

Then there's that hideous green bean casserole with the crunchy onions. I think it has condensed cream of something, maybe possum pus, soup in it. There would be riots if this didn't show up at the dinner table.

Another one that is normally potluck fare, but shows up occasionally during the holidays, is the seven layer salad. People get excited when they see this, and it contains thawed frozen peas and mayonnaise.  Admittedly I'm not a big fan of mayonnaise, but anything called salad that's coated in mayonnaise is extra disgusting.

Last thing, gluey starchy mashed potatoes.  I actually love mashed potatoes.  Hand mashed with a little garlic, bit of butter (real), splash of cream (also real) and some salt & pepper. But that gluey mess that results from whipping the hell out of them, ick. Again, why all the violence against potatoes?

And lest you think I don't like anything traditional, that's not true.  I love salads that contain green leafy things and none of the aforementioned items.  I love sweet potatoes, winter squash, roasted veggies, fresh warm rolls, even stuffing, if it doesn't contain meat.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

The Creepmas Creature Rises Again!

Part man, part beast, part shrubbery, part goddess, no one really knows what it is or where it comes from.  Some say it was the product of an unwholesome union between a hodag, a bigfoot and a Christmas tree.  Others say it was forged during The Great Battle when Christmas merchandise was unwisely placed next to Halloween items unjustly clearanced at the end of September. All that is known for sure is that it only comes out on the 1st of December to deliver goodies in celebration of the first day of Creepmas.

This year one of the area residents managed to capture this rare photo of the creature performing it's annual ritual. 


To learn more about the 13 Days of Creepmas click on this link or on the Creepy Santa badge in the upper right hand corner.  Be sure to check out the other participating Creeps. If you're curious about my Creepmas favorites, past and present check out my Creepmas board on Pinterest. 

This year's delightfully dreadful morsels were:

Zombie Bites - Cranberry Pistachio White Chocolate Truffles - It was the picture of the truffle with the bite out of it that got me thinking of zombies in the first place with all the lovely red and green bits.

I only made half the recipe because people can be quite hateful towards nuts and I'm not talking about people with allergies, although that would be understandable even if it's not the nut's fault really, but just people who don't like nuts and act like anytime they find nuts in their food it must be some sort of personal vendetta against them.

Half the recipe yielded 18 one tablespoon sized truffles. 

I didn't follow all the instructions. I thought they were more complicated than need be.  I put the chocolate, butter and cream together in a microwavable bowl, nuked it for 1 minute at 50% power, stirred until it was all mixed and then stirred in the extract.


Elf Brains - Instead of making my usual truffle brains, I made white chocolate coated Oreos, which is actually what the molds are made for.  I decided to use the peppermint flavored Oreos in the spirit of the holidays even though I don't know if they are gross or not. The kids liked them and said the peppermint flavor had also infused the chocolate coating. 






Corpse Hands - Peppermint Bark - I used 8oz of white chocolate, 4 tsp of crushed peppermint candy (Normally I use twice that, no reason why I didn't, just had a brain fart. They were fine, just had a very mild mint flavor.) and 6oz of semi-sweet chocolate to fill four molds.


Microwave white chocolate at 50% for 1 minute, stir microwave again at 50% for 40-60 seconds.  Stir until completely melted and stir in peppermint candy.  Divide amongst molds and chill.  Melt the semi-sweet chocolate and top the molds off.  Chill again. 


Grinch Cookies - Gooey Monster Eye Cookies - I saw these with all their eyeball and greeniness and knew they would be perfect for Creepmas. 

I find the smell of box cake mixes to be nauseating, but the kids liked these and that's all that matters. Using a 1.5 tablespoon scoop yielded 32 cookies.


I've never made any claims to having great cookie decorating skills, but if you look at them from the right angle and you squint a little bit, these cookies totally almost look just like the Grinch. 

The peanut gallery wanted to know why I was putting mustaches on the cookies. After that it was even harder for me to decorate because the cookies started talking to me in really bad French accents and making me laugh.

Oui oui mon cheri !